i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
