so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
