I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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