the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
