man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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