Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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