Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
