can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
