She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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