Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize