People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
