whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just had sex bonerless
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
