we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He better not be in your backpack
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
