Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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