Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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