I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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