why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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