Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
