i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
