So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
