Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
