bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
