you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
