Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dignity is for republicans.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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