franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
