I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
