You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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