I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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