i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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