oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
