I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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