I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
