I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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