I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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