I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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