I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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