yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
