i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
