so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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