If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
