I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you will always have a special place in my vag
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
