im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
