SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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