I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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