when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
