I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
