She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That accounts for only three of the penises
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
