i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
