We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
