Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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