Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
