everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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