i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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