i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
