he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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